--- longtom2222 <bigverybadtom_at_aol.com> wrote:
> Hello, I'm Long Tom, this is my first posting here.
Greetings Tom. I tried to reply mail you a while ago, but
was 'helped' by Yahoo. Now that I've caught up with the
inbox, I'll try again!
> just posted a
> story entitled "Yardwork" in the fan fiction section.
> Let me know if you like it.
Always pays when you post a file to the group to check the
'notify group' box. I don't cruise the files section that
often to detect frequent changes and small uploads.
You've also another short story with Val encountering a
hippy, both of which I've read over. Your ideas are really
good; there is great potential for some really good
stories. Your spelling and grammar all pass (a pleasant
change from the usual), though your prose and expression
could use a little help.
Much of the story (either) is written as dialogue with
little supporting description, that tends to become a bit
boring to read due to lack of 'imagination fuel', even if
the subject being discussed is quite inspired. Best idea
is try and have a small description of what the character
is doing while they are talking. For Example:
"Listen to what I say!" The black dragon glared down at
the fur standing before him.
The other thing is written and verbal expression are
different; writing as you speak tends to result in an
'uneducated feel', even if what you have written is
correct. Just because you would _say_ that, doesn't mean
that you would _write_ it way. Much of your text feels to
me to be in 'said' structuring.
Another major point, though this is often hard to find, is
get someone who knows how to write (preferably equal or
better than yourself) and get them to proof read you work.
Ask them if they get a clear picture of what is going on.
What do the characters look like? Does this make sense?
Is this vague? They can also help pick up things where
you've read something too many times and don't see missing
words. They may even contribute a few good ideas! I get
someone to read over my posted work; it gives a far
smoother result.
Great to see you writing short, complete stories as opposed
to trying to launch into some saga that never establishes
itself and loses momentum about part two. This way you are
established for what you have done and are not just another
'writer wannabe'.
If you want someone to read over and suggest with your
writing, I am generally able to assist. Please be aware
that I may not always respond immediately, but if you write
me, I will reply.
Good to see your contribution - thanks for sharing!
Scrapper, Black Dragon, unofficial SAMA reviewer and editor.
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Received on Thu May 13 2004 - 18:14:12 CDT