Here's the current list
Cucumbers aren't better than men because:
1. Cucumbers can't kiss.
2. Cucumbers can't hug.
3. Cucumbers can't whisper sweet nothings.
4. Cucumbers are cold when they come out of the fridge. And they get soft
real fast if they're kept warm.
5. Cucumbers can't be leaned against.
6. Cucumbers aren't self powered :)
7. A Cucumber won't keep you from getting hit on.
8. Cucumbers won't hold you as you fall asleep.
9. A cucumber won't zip up your dress for you.
10. A cucumber won't hold the door open for you.
11. A cucumber won't take you out to dinner.
12. Cucumbers in tuxedoes look ridiculous.
13. Cucumbers can't open mayonnaise jars.
14. Cucumbers won't drive so you can do your makeup on the way there.
15. Even the best cucumber only lasts about a week.
16. Cucumbers don't have tongues.
17. Cucumbers wont't tell you you look beautiful.... right when you need to
hear it.
18. Cucumbers won't welcome you home after a long trip.
19. A Cucumber won't leave a love note for you.
20. You don't know who's handled your cucumber before you....
21. A cucumber won't hold your hand during a scary movie.
22. A cucumber wont spend 50 bucks at a carny to get just that specific
plushie you want.
23. A cucumber can't give you a backrub or massage your shoulders.
24. A cucumber can't scrub your back in the shower (or get a nice hot bath
ready).
25. A cucumber can't tell you a good joke when you really need a laugh.
26. Who ever heard of a cucumber paying for a nice romantic dinner for two?
27. A cucumber won't change a flat tire for you.
28. A cucumber won't get up in the middle of the night and investigate that
noise you heard.
29. It's just not the same watching the sunset with your cucumber.
30. Same as above for sunrises.
31. Showing off your cucumber to your girlfriends will elicit some really
odd looks.
32. Same as above but It's even worse when it's your parents!
33. Know of any cucumbers that know foreplay?
34. Cucumbers can't send you flowers.
35. Cucumbers won't send you a valentine.
36. A cucumber won't tell you that that swimsuit DOESN'T make you look fat.
37. A cucumber won't keep a picture of you in its wallet.
38. A cucumber won't kiss you for "No particular Reason"
39. A cucumber won't give you its jacket when its cold out.
40. A cucumber doesn't tell you it loves you.
41. A cucumber won't surprise you with tickets to that sold-out concert
you've been wanting to see.
42. A cucumber won't cuddle with you.
43. A cucumber won't take a walk with you.
44. A cucumber doesn't give you its class ring.
45. A cucumber doesn't have eyes to stare into.
46. A cucumber won't carry you if your feet are tired.
47. You can't show off pictures of yourself and your cucumber from those
little photo booths to show how cute you two are together.
48. Yeah, you could take a cucumber to the movie and actually see the show,
but you can't talk about the movie with the cucumber afterwards.
49. It's really not good form to call out your cucumber's name in the heat
of passion.
50. Men: Hard on the inside, and a nice soft outer surface. 'Toy' makers >
have worked hard to reproduce this effect. Cucumbers: Squishy and juicy
on > the inside, hard on the
outside...
51. ...And cucumbers can BREAK.
52. Cucumbers will never fetch you an extra roll of toilet paper from the >
closet while you're stuck.
53. - A romantic movie scene with a cucumber?... *ewwwww* "Oh, darling, I
love you so much!" *silence* "I can't profess how undying my love for you
is!" *silence* "Let's elope!" *silence* "But before we do, let's make mad
hot passionate love!" *At this point, the whole audience is gone.*
54. Cucumbers...
Started out as a very long-vined plant...
That grew a flower (Which of course has both sexes)...
That was pollinated by a bug...
And eventually grew into the plant's green reproduction sac, full of baby
cucumber embryos...
... So do you REALLY think you could explain that your 'boyfriend' is
really the egg sac of a hermaphrodite, tentacled, non-sentient life form
that couldn't get laid by anything but a bug?
55. A cucumber will not take you for long walks in the woods.
56. A cucumber will not surprise you with roses.
57. A cucumber cannot do that thing you like, you know what I mean.
58. A cucumber will not dedicate its every free living moment to you.
Keeper of the Cuke list
Ced
Received on Thu Aug 29 2002 - 17:01:49 CDT