On Thu, 19 Feb 2009 02:33:34 -0000, you wrote:
>Thanks. I'll admit that I did get a little off task adding my character
>to a story (sorry about that, heh heh). I guess those literature
>lectures are really paying off, though.
I'll add my compliments to those of the previous poster. :) Not bad, not
bad at all. A couple of minor comments, though?
(1) I noticed a couple of places where you abruptly switched between past
and present tenses between one sentence and the next, i.e.:
>"I think your grip is getting tighter," he murmured through his teeth
>from the pain. He can now feel that her claws have penetrated his skin.
>He kept pulling her arms away until her claws were finally free.
As a general rule, switching tenses like this is bad form and should be
avoided.
(2) I don't know if you spellchecked this or not, but... don't depend on
spellcheck to catch all your typos. :) There's a number of places where
you either mistyped a word, or typed the wrong one, and still ended up with
a word that would pass spellcheck, but which makes no sense in the
sentence. (If your word processor has a grammar checker, it can sometimes
catch errors like this.)
Received on Wed Feb 18 2009 - 19:53:32 CST