--- In SkunkworksAMA_at_yahoogroups.com, "Inkwell" <inkwell_01@...> wrote:
>
> Very nice visual on the Caterwaul comic page.
> Panel One has a nice high angle shot. Could
> be used as an establishing shot for the story.
>
> The building angle is nice. Gives the fans
> an idea of what James' commercial work
> is probably like. Looks like a computer used
> to outline the building. If not, then a lot of
> hand-work went into the construction of it.
> (A lot of nibs were wiped out.)
Actually, I just used a short ruler and a pencil. It didn't take very long to draw, though I did have to make an overhead sketch to figure out the floor plan (even though it's only featured in one friggin' panel).
>
> I love the way "Kelly's" is reflected in the
> wet street. Same on the shamrock logo
> above the name of the bar. (I'm assuming
> a bar.)
Yup, it's a bar, all right.
>
> Of the three robed characters I see two are
> booted and one is bare pawed. It looks like
> the bare pawed character has only three toes,
> not four - (PANEL FOUR).
Yes, Veronika doesn't wear shoes (bats use their feet), and unlike most of the other species, bats have only 3 toes per foot.
>
> Observations - There might be two
> problems with the page that may need
> attention. One is a possible "landmine" in
> plot setup in narration; the other visual.
>
> Plot problem - Narration Continuity:
>
> PANEL THREE:
>
> The top narration is stating that an elderly
> couple was attacked - the husband killed, with the
> wife recovering in the hospital.
>
> However, in the bottom narration, you have
> both husband and wife killed.
>
> The key linkage for the two narrations is the word
> THAT in the bottom narration, ie:
>
> ...THAT COUPLE WAS FRIENDS OF...
>
> The word THAT hooks the "husband/wife" in
> top narration to the German couple in bottom narration.
>
> The time period of, ONE WEEK, also links the narrations
> together when maybe that wasn't the intention.
>
> PANEL FOUR:
>
> Narration continues with German "couple" killed.
>
> [It may also be I don't know enough of the plot
> outline...]
The German couple and the husband/wife couple are one and the same. I noticed the "oops" regarding the wife's condition after posting it (no big deal, since it's only a mock-up and not the actual page). This is probably due to the fact the script is on System 1, whose video card I currently have in System 2 (so that I can scan artwork). I'll have to reinsert the card back into System 1, print out the script, then return the card back to System 2. I'll get another card after I'm done with the story. I don't feel much like screwing with the computers now...
Oh, and the wife's bit was supposed to be "she remains in the hospital (critical)", not "recuperating in the hospital". Good eye, man!
>
> ***********************************
>
> Visual problems, (actually, more nitpicking
> than anything):
>
> PANEL ONE:
>
> KELLY'S building front: Front door closed. Light shining
> on sidewalk facing front door is a tad too bright compared
> to light reflected on sidewalk from side windows. It stands
> out, with no light source visible. (There does seem to be
> a door window reflected, but amount of light would be the
> same as from the side windows, (maybe less) - and door
> window wouldn't cast that sharply define lit edges on
> the sidewalk. Although, the light edge angle might
> suggest this. [That door window is really high up
> on the door - if it's there. Maybe - overhead light
> above door?]
The light source is actually on the ceiling above the door, between the archway and the door itself. There is a storm drain in front of the door, a necessity since the interior of the building is actually lower than indicated outside. Since anthros vary in height, it allows even short critters to look into the windows and see what's going on inside. This would be a problem if the interior floor was level with the exterior walls. Upon entry, a few steps descend into the actual restaurant/bar area.
>
> Door knob: Side door on building, RS, shows a
> door knob - nice. Front door missing one. It
> could be argued door knob on right side hidden
> by angle, but unconsciously, viewers look for small
> details in background. Maybe add a door handle
> or knob to left side. (Door looks incomplete.)
I think I accidentally placed the doorknob on the right. Believe it or not, I lived in a houe that had a front door like that. All my other homes were on the left side...
>
> ******************************
>
> I'm mostly nitpicking. Over-all, the page looks great.
>
> And the proper word is Boatload-Of-Ink. And the
> ink company is gonna love you. You just might
> get a xmas card from them - (B&W, of course). :D
>
Thanks! As soon as I get page 5 finished (within a couple days), I'll scan and upload the actual first four pages as they will appear in the book itself, corrections and all!
--JMH
PS- Thanks for looking everything over. It's always good to have another set of eyes check stuff out, y'know.
Received on Wed Dec 16 2009 - 22:57:49 CST